Exposing Patriarchy
My household is something of a Kardashian clan. Matriarchy is the norm and men are easily outnumbered by women with personalities larger than life. My grandmother, mother and aunties are all incredible women who lead their households with a furious and uncompromisingly gracious strength. Coming from this background, it was only normal for me to see strength, leadership and femininity as inextricably intertwined. That was until the day the local shopkeeper asked me to come around the back…
Exposing Patriarchy
I was five years old. Although it was him who had invited me in, and although it was him that had taken off my underwear and inappropriately touched me, I could not help but feel that I was the one in the wrong. I was the one who had not been strong enough to protect myself and I was the one with the scars to prove it. Matriarchy might have been the norm in my household but patriarchy was the norm in society.
As young as I was, I knew what they would say. I knew they would say I was unprincipled and taking after my single mother. They would blame her for sending me to the shop alone. It would be easier for me to avoid going to the shop than it would be for me to try and fight for the innocence that was stolen from me. I was five years old.
I wish I could say that the above experience was the beginning and end of my struggle with my femininity. It wasn’t. Since then, other men have laid claim to my body without so much as looking me in the eye. I watched the women I thought had it altogether be reduced to nothing by men who did not deserve the privilege of being in their presence. I witnessed my mother lose her strength to men whose masculinity was so fragile that her happiness became a cause for abuse.
Being a woman, and not only that but a Black woman has been one of life’s greatest challenges. I write this post sitting in a coffee shop and forcing the tears not to come. I write this post knowing that I will ask for it to be published anonymously because as a Black woman, my emotion and vulnerability are not traits to present to the world. I would love to pretend that I am strong enough to talk about this in person and in more depth, but I am not.
So what is the point of this post?
The challenges I have faced because I was born a woman and seen those around me face because they were born women have had the greatest effect on my relationship with men. Whilst religion has been one of the primary factors used in the promotion of patriarchy, I have found that my ability to learn forgiveness and embrace my femininity as a blessing and not a curse has been enhanced through knowing Jesus more. For example, I was anti-marriage until I began to learn that husbands are to love their wives in the same way that Christ loves the Church. This inherently does away with traditional (and often unrealistic) gender roles and the abuse women have suffered at the hands of men for so long. It automatically creates an environment that builds women up and does not tear women down. It allows women’s opinions and needs to be heard and not dismissed. If we have men who love their women the way Christ loves the Church, and more generally men who love all women in the way Jesus loves everyone, and teach their sons to love (their) women in this way, it will go some way in reducing the challenges women suffer.
Women Wanted
Now a word from Andy our Pastor -> At CityHill London we see women as wisdom. When the Bible speaks of wisdom, some of the time it is as God and when it is personified in that way it is also female. Our church can never be complete without the strength, wisdom, kindness & power that women bring. The woman who wrote this piece is anonymous & extremely brave. That bravery is greatly appreciated at CityHill. It is a bravery that shines in the darkness and leads us to the NEW Kingdom. The one that Jesus preaches about. Our hope is her light will be a beacon for you that brings hope. Join us. It is where you belong. Click here to plan your visit we have a seat waiting just for you!